


The concept of parents

by qwanderer



Series: in the habit of saving the world [4]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bad Parenting, Crowley paints, Jess Wainwright - nonbinary "they" and honorary "Them", M/M, Other, background fake dating, mentions of transphobia and racism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-23 20:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21087017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qwanderer/pseuds/qwanderer
Summary: On Sunday morning, over breakfast, Aziraphale took a long look at Crowley’s messy bun and Queen tee, and ventured to ask, “Have your words changed, dearest?”“They, please,” Crowley mumbled into their coffee.“Of course,” Aziraphale said with a tiny smile, and kissed their snake tattoo.Jess spent half a moment veering between glee and envy, and settled on quiet joy when they remembered they had a Brian who did the same kinds of things for them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written A) to work as a stand-alone piece, and B) to tie together the stories to either side of it in this series, which were originally written entirely as stand-alone works. Read as you will!
> 
> I'll probably be able to finish the second chapter in a few days, I've got a lot of it written! Mostly breaking it into two because I got impatient to post.

Jess was most emphatically not out to their parents. They knew what their parents would say.

They were only out to their boyfriend Brian and Brian's three closest friends, who were thick as thieves, but welcomed Jess immediately. Adam and Wen were also boyfriends. Jess's parents knew none of this. They were, in fact, under the impression that Jess was dating Pepper, which was invaluable in cases where Jess didn't quite manage to wipe off all the lipstick Pepper had lent them while the gang was out and about.

Some days Jess felt like dating a black girl was pushing their parents' sensibilities enough.

Jess couldn’t wait until they had the financial stability to move out and get away from their parents. But on balance, considering the economy and every other stupid social force working against them, the fact that their parents were paying for college was reason enough to stay. For the moment.

And in the meantime, Jess had the Them to keep them sane.

The Them were awesome. They were opinionated and courageous without being unkind. They didn't mind weird. There was a lot that other people would call weird that they just accepted. The only thing Jess had ever heard any of the Them call weird with a tone of disdain was when Pepper commented on people who voted for Brexit and then were unpleasantly surprised when it passed.

And the Them could keep secrets. Jess got the feeling that the whole group was avoiding mentioning a lot of things around them. Not in a mean way, they just had stuff that they didn't consider to be Jess's business. Other people's secrets, maybe. So that was more than fine.

And Brian was the best of Them. 

He was incredible at being casually supportive, at showing up and just being there and not making a big deal about things that Jess didn’t want a big deal made out of. (If Jess wanted someone to make a big deal about something, they would tell Pepper about whatever it was that was bothering them, and Pepper would obligingly rant about it while Brian and the others nodded along.) But most of the time, Jess just wanted to exist without having to think too hard about it.

Being Brian’s enbyfriend was a dream come true.

Right now, Jess and Brian and the rest of Them were ensconced in Adam and Wensleydale’s tiny flat near the University of London, where they all studied. Brian and Pepper lived in the dormitories, as only Wensleydale’s family could really afford to keep a flat in London in addition to their home in Oxfordshire. And Adam was inseparable from Dog, who wouldn’t have been allowed in the dorms, so he gladly took advantage of his boyfriend’s good fortune.

“I’ve missed Tadfield,” Adam mused. “It’ll be good to go back for the summer. But I’m going to miss London too, now. And especially Jess.”

“Wish I could stay,” Brian murmured just loud enough for all of them to hear, and his arm tightened a little around Jess.

“Actually,” said Wen, “we haven’t found anyone to sublet to over the summer, so the flat’s free, if you’d like it.”

Brian frowned slightly, which on him represented deep thought and serious consideration. 

Jess wanted to say he should stay. But it wouldn’t work. And they couldn’t imagine separating the Them like that. “You should go home,” Jess told him. “I’ll be all right.”

Their parents would wonder, anyway, if Brian stayed to hang out with them and Pepper didn’t.

“You should come to Tadfield,” Pepper offered, in a tone that made it sound like a demand. Jess knew her well enough to know that it wasn’t a demand at all. “You could stay with one of us.”

“I don’t think my parents would like that,” Jess said with a wince.

“Well, we can visit, at least,” Brian offered, but he didn’t sound terribly happy about it. “Often as you like. We can all camp out here in the flat, like we do in Crowley and Zira’s place when we visit for a long weekend.”

“Yes, let’s,” said Pepper. 

Adam’s eyes had gone wide with one of his Ideas. “We should definitely go for a long weekend at Crowley and Zira’s place before we head home,” he said. “And we should definitely bring Jess to meet them.”

Jess knew that the Them often took day trips down to Sussex on Saturdays, to visit someone they knew there with a house. Jess had never been invited, but it seemed to be one of the Them’s secrets, and after all, Jess and Brian had only been dating for a couple of months. 

“Are you sure, Adam?” Wensleydale asked.

“Yeah,” Adam said. “Think it’s time they met my godparents.”

“What’d’you think?” Brian asked softly. 

“I think,” said Jess, and then took a deep breath. “I’d like to do more things with you, with all of you, but I'm kind of done with the whole concept of parents right now.” And honestly, the word ‘god’ sitting right there next to the word ‘parents’ in that sentence did not help.

“‘Kay,” said Brian agreeably enough, and Jess loved him a little for that. “It's up to you, but I think you'd like Adam's godfathers.” 

“Godfathers?” Jess raised their eyebrows. That changed things. “Are they both men? And together?”

“I mean, they use male pronouns most of the time,” Brian said. “Not all the time, though, especially in Crowley's case. And yeah, they're together.”

“They’re brilliant,” said Adam. “They’d love to meet you.”

Jess was rapidly talking themselves into this whole trip, although part of them still insisted it was a bad idea. 

“They really would,” Pepper agreed.

And that pretty much decided that. 

* * *

Jess supposed that on most of these weekends, Adam's car was arrayed as usual when it was just the original Them. Adam driving, Wensleydale beside him in the passenger seat with Dog curled up in his lap, and Pepper and Brian in the back. Jess's usual spot for their jaunts around the city was squished into the middle seat, between Pepper and Brian.

The trip out to the South Downs meant sitting squished between the two for significantly longer than usual.

They didn't seem to mind. Jess  _ really _ didn't mind. It was cozy.

Pepper did take a moment to say, "All right you two, no snogging while I'm squished in right next to you."

"Spoilsport," Brian said.

Pepper huffed. "I've absolutely no problem with being Jess's girlfriend sometimes, but I don't want to get involved in an orgy in Adam's backseat, especially one with  _ Brian _ in it."

"What's wrong with Brian?" Jess asked, mock-offended.

Pepper wrinkled her nose. "We grew up together, he's pretty much my brother, it'd be weird."

"What's that say about my and Wen's relationship?" Adam objected from the front.

"That's different," Pepper said. "You're practically fated."

Wen laughed at that. "I'm not sure how I feel about that," he said lightly, ruffling Dog's fur. 

"Don't you, Jeremy Evan Wensleydale?" Pepper said, leaning forward to speak to him in an exaggerated fashion.

"Stop that!" He shot Pepper a look. "That's not even my proper middle name!"

"What is it?" Jess asked curiously.

Wen grimaced a bit. "Actually it's Steven."

"That's so much worse," Jess told him.

Wensleydale rolled his eyes and said, "I know."

* * *

Crowley introduced herself as Adam’s godmother the first day there, although she looked mostly masculine. She wore sunglasses all the time and was dressed in women’s clothing, although it was really hard to tell unless you were looking for it. The next day Crowley wore a slinky skirt instead of her skinny jeans and it looked just as perfectly right on her. Jess found themself struck dumb with jealousy at the way she made it all work. 

Zira, on the other hand, reminded Jess of Brian, but slightly more high strung. He was very good at warmth and support and treating everything and everyone as if they were a delight just as they were. 

On Friday night they'd eaten mountains of takeout, made a nest of sleeping bags and pillows in the lounge, and just talked about everything and nothing until they couldn't hold their eyes open anymore. They talked about school and reminisced about old times, telling a story outright here or there for Jess’s benefit. Jess got the impression that the godparents were in on pretty much all the secrets that the Them talked around in the presence of Jess. Maybe even that the secrets belonged to the godparents, and it would have to be their choice to share those secrets with Jess.

Saturday morning was mostly spent laying about in the nest, Wen tucked into Adam's side and blinking blearily out at the world, Pepper absolutely burritoed up in several blankets and demanding breakfast be brought to her with the assurance of a queen. Crowley was tucked under her own mound of quilts on the sofa and whined when Aziraphale left her side to meet Pepper's demands, but seemed to be mollified when her husband returned to the circle of her arms bearing hot coffee for her. Dog was curled up in the center of it all, sleeping soundly.

Jess had never felt so comfortable as they did now, free to cuddle up to Brian's side in a room full of people who knew and understood who they were and how they felt about Brian. 

In the afternoon they adjourned to the garden, where Crowley gave a tour of all her prized plants and the rundown on their personalities. They all did a bit of this and that, but mostly they kicked around outside and enjoyed the good weather. Doing not much of anything for a couple of days was good after being so busy during the school term, but Crowley promised them they’d do something fun the next day.

On Sunday morning, over breakfast, Aziraphale took a long look at Crowley’s messy bun and Queen tee, and ventured to ask, “Have your words changed, dearest?” 

“They, please,” Crowley mumbled into their coffee. 

“Of course,” Aziraphale said with a tiny smile, and kissed their snake tattoo. 

Jess spent half a moment veering between glee and envy, and settled on quiet joy when they remembered they had a Brian who did the same kinds of things for them.

Later that morning, they all gathered around the dining room table to play some sort of game that involved a lot of different-shaped and different-colored dice, and a lot of concerningly thick books. Crowley sat at the head of the table, and talked them through creating their own characters. Jess made an elf character and spent most of a half-hour just using every colored pencil on the table to give their elf rainbow-striped hair. 

Adam made a character which was something called a tiefling, and his had horns, which appeared to be some kind of inside joke Jess wasn’t privy to. 

The next phase of the game seemed to involve a lot of Crowley explaining where their characters were, and the others responding to say what their characters did. Jess was having a hard time figuring out what the rules were, and what exactly they were supposed to be doing.

Crowley tried to prompt them, ask them how their elf character might respond to this or that, but Jess responded, “I don’t know. How do I decide this stuff? Do I roll the dice or something?”

Somehow Jess could tell that Crowley was looking at them from behind their sunglasses, but Jess couldn’t read their expression at all.

They shrunk in their seat. “I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this game.”

“You don’t have to be good at it,” Adam said. “As long as you’re having fun.”

Jess winced. 

“You’re not having very much fun, are you,” Brian said. “Not your thing, huh?”

“Improv isn’t really my strength,” Jess admitted. “Not so great with being put on the spot. But I can do better.” They set their shoulders. “So all of our characters are in an antique shop?”

Brian said softly, “You know, you're allowed to say you aren't interested in something. You don't need to do something just because it's what we decided to do.”

“But I like all of you!” Jess insisted. “I like spending time with you. This is fine.”

“Jess.” Brian seemed at a loss for words. Jess didn’t understand why everyone was looking at them. 

Crowley sat up straight then, and Jess suddenly realized how tall they were when they weren’t slouching like it was their job. “All right, that's it,” Crowley said. They took off their sunglasses and leaned forward to look Jess in the eye with an intensity Jess hadn’t known they were capable of.

The yellow, slitted irises were secondary to the intensity of that stare. 

Jess hadn’t really been intimidated by Crowley before. The Crowley they had met on Friday was clearly someone who tried too hard to be cool but who was really a big softie. Now, Jess wasn’t so sure.

“When I was young,” Crowley said, “I got thrown out. For asking questions. For saying ‘why do we do things like  _ this _ and not like  _ that _ ?’ For refusing to participate in the way everyone else was doing things just because that's how they were done.”

They hissed as they spoke, as if they were so full of anger that it had to escape somehow. Jess only kept themselves from freaking out because neither Aziraphale nor the Them seemed concerned. In fact, Aziraphale had a tiny bit of a sad smile lurking at the corner of his mouth. And Brian’s arm around Jess’s shoulders was steady and warm. 

“And I need you to understand something,” Crowley continued, voice going quiet in a deadly serious sort of way. “I need to make this perfectly clear. This house will  _ never _ be like the place I came from.” 

They said it with conviction, and with pride. And suddenly Jess understood why Pride was called what it was, and the spirit of what it celebrated. They felt something inside of them catch fire, and begin to burn.

"Oh, Crowley," Aziraphale sighed, and reached over to clasp their shoulder comfortingly. "You're absolutely right." He turned to Jess. "Please don't hide from us because you think we won't like who you are. Let us get to know you, the real you. We'll keep you company while you're here, as much as you want, no matter what."

...And Jess believed it.

They weren’t going to say anything about the eyes, if no one else did. It wasn’t what mattered right now, and anyway Jess sort of assumed it was just one of those things the Them knew about and didn’t tell Jess about because it wasn’t Jess’s business.

Right now, it was just another thing that meant that here, in this house, it was okay to be weird. Okay to not quite fit in with everybody else.

Aziraphale nudged Crowley with an elbow, and gestured to their sunglasses. Crowley looked down at the dark lenses, cleared their throat, and lifted their hand to put them back on.

Jess put out a hand to stop Crowley. “Okay,” they said. “I won’t hide.” They looked Crowley in the eye. 

Crowley smiled, and it was… slightly broken, but full of wonder, all the same.

They didn't put their sunglasses back on. 

Jess smiled back, and nothing else needed to be said.

A minute later, Aziraphale clapped his hands together and said, “Right! A change of activity seems to be in order! Does anyone have a preference?”

Brian shrugged, and Wen and Pepper looked towards Adam.

“Don’t look at me,” Adam said. “These weekends are my break from deciding things.”

“Should be something that Jess likes,” Crowley said. “What are you interested in? Anything at all.” 

Pepper frowned, and said, “You’re kind of just putting Jess on the spot again, Crowley.”

Crowley shrugged. “Or nothing. Big fan of doing nothing, myself. Sloth’s one of my personal favorite sins.”

“It wasn’t all bad,” Jess offered. “I liked the part where we drew our characters." That gave them an idea. "I like art. And makeup. Clothes. Things with colors." 

Aziraphale’s face lit up. “I’ve got it! We can give each other manicures!”

“Ooh!” Wensleydale exclaimed. “We haven’t done that in ages!”

“Not very much time for it during the school year,” Pepper agreed. She turned to Jess. “Half the time we come here during terms, we’re asking the godparents to help us with all our projects. Zira for languages, history, that sort of thing. Crowley’s better for astronomy, physics, and anything having to do with computers.”

“Crowley should do Jess’s nails today,” Brian said. “Jess hasn’t gotten the chance before, and Crowley always does the best nail art.”

Aziraphale had tidied away the things from the game and instead brought out a large basket absolutely chock full of different nail varnishes and other supplies, and they all sat around the table picking through the array of colors and getting their nails ready. Jess made sure to give some attention to Brian’s nails, which were a bit torn up and tended to attract dirt, no matter what he’d been doing. Although spending all afternoon yesterday in the garden playing with Dog was probably the current culprit. 

Brian tried to opt out himself, saying, “I’m supposed to help Jameela convert her car to biodiesel on Tuesday, I don’t know if it’s worth making my nails all pretty if they’re just going to get ruined again.”

“‘Course it’s worth it,” Jess told him. “Now pick a color.” They held out a shimmering gold and an iridescent white for his inspection. 

The corner of his mouth quirked in a smile, and he said, “All right, the white, then, but you’ll have to cope with what happens to your work on Tuesday.”

Meanwhile, Adam was painting Wen’s nails with a turquoise sparkle.

“Your hands are beautiful, you know,” he said once he’d finished.

“You did a very nice job with them, yeah,” Wensleydale said, examining them. “I actually do like this color a lot. Thanks, Adam.”

“No, I mean your hands are always beautiful,” Adam said, as if it was simple and obvious fact. “All I did was give people more reason to notice them.”

“Oh.” Wen blushed a bright pink, and smiled at Adam.

Aziraphale had painted Pepper’s nails a flat white, and was now soaking them in alcohol in preparation for applying newspaper transfers.

Crowley’s nails were already a flawless, gleaming red, and anyway they seemed to be collecting and preparing supplies for what looked to be much more than a simple manicure. “Are dark colors all right with you?” they asked Jess. “I won’t ask you what you want on them, I have some ideas, but I can adjust, if you’d rather have pastels.”

“Dark is fine,” Jess said. “Are you really going to spend a lot of time on it? Because I’ll have to take it off before I go home, you know that, right?”

“I know,” said Crowley solemnly. “You said it yourself - ‘course it’s worth it. Nail art isn’t meant to last. It’s kind of freeing that way, you know? It’s not about making something that can stand the test of time. It’s about a moment. So let’s enjoy this one, huh?” They smirked, and continued laying out their tools. 

Miraculously, everyone whose nails had gotten painted in the first round had them dry neatly and quickly, and so they all shuffled themselves around for the second round, Brian painting Zira’s nails a pretty rose pink, and Pepper giving Adam’s nails a dynamic coat of red with orange stars stenciled on.

The stars that Crowley painted on Jess’s nails were different. They were sparkling little orbs on a rich blue and purple sky, like the real ones only better. 

“Woah,” was all Jess could say at first. Then they remembered some more words. “These are amazing,” they said.

“My spouse is quite the artist,” Aziraphale commented. “Many of the paintings in the house are their work.”

“Really?” Jess asked. “You have to show me.”

After all the manicure stuff had been tidied away, Jess got a tour of the art in the house, starting with the drowning snake by the mantel. There were a handful of others scattered about the place. Jess showered Crowley with compliments, and got to see Crowley stutter, although apparently they’d been painting for years, almost since they’d known the Them. 

“Are there any more?” Jess asked. “Here, I mean. Ones you haven’t sold or whatever.”

“Ehh,” said Crowley, face scrunching up uncertainly. “Just the one in my studio. Still kind of working on it.”

“Can I?” Jess asked. “Please?”

Crowley made a face. Then they peered at Jess, strange yellow eyes assessing. “Said something about not hiding, didn’t I?” they commented.

“If you don’t want me to…” Jess began, but Crowley interrupted.

“Nahh,” they said. “I don’t usually let people see my paintings until I’m sure they’re finished. But sometimes that means they never get finished, and I think it’s time to let go of this one.”

Jess had noticed that a lot of Crowley’s paintings featured snakes, or wings, but this was the first they’d seen with both. It was of a snake halfway through a shed, dull grey scales giving way to shining dark iridescent ones, but also, bursting forth from the shedding skin were feathered wings, damp, like a newly-hatched bird’s, and yet full and splendid all the same. 

“Oh,” said Jess.

“That a good ‘oh,’ or a bad one?” Crowley asked, trying and failing not to sound like they cared. 

“Good!” Jess replied immediately. Then they added, “...mostly.”

“Yeah?” Crowley prompted.

“Makes me feel things,” Jess said slowly. “Makes me feel like, ‘yes!’ like, jubilant? And like I’m being looked at? And sad. And scared.”

“Yeah,” Crowley agreed. Then they took a deep breath and said quickly, “It’s yours if you want it.”

“Oh, I couldn’t!” Jess said, in that way that meant they really could. But then they came back to their senses. “I really couldn’t,” they said. “I don’t want… I mean. I don’t have anywhere I’d feel good about putting it.”

“That case,” Crowley said, “it’ll be here. It’ll just be yours, that I’m keeping for you. That all right?”

“It’s perfect,” said Jess. “Thank you.”

There was so much more to say, and Jess didn’t know how to say it, but Crowley didn’t seem to mind.


	2. Chapter 2

That night, Jess clung to Brian, and the emotion of the painting seemed to haunt them - joy and terror and grief. Brian sang softly to them and played with their hair, but he still fell asleep first. 

The group had another lazy morning, but eventually they got up and had a proper lunch. After that, it was time to get ready to go. 

Jess found themself wandering the cottage, the feeling that they were forgetting something warring with other feelings for attention. They didn't want to think about the other feelings, though.

They also still hadn't removed Crowley's stars from their nails. 

All their things were packed into Adam's car, and still Jess lingered. They slipped into Crowley's studio to look at the painting again. 

The feeling of it was still not entirely good. But it felt like freedom.

"Jess," Brian said softly. "It's time to go."

They followed Brian down the stairs and through the hall, into the kitchen, and there was everyone, saying their goodbyes, and there was the car, waiting. Like a predator ready to pounce, somehow.

Jess stopped, feet rooted to the ground. They felt… dizzy. 

“Fuck,” they said. 

Pepper’s eyes darted to them immediately. “What’s wrong?” she asked. 

Jess tried to explain, tried to figure it all out for themselves. But all they had to go on was a pervasive feeling of  _ wrongness _ about this moment.

“...Everything,” was all they could answer, and then it was as if the word had pulled out a cork and words and feelings were pouring out everywhere. Jess couldn’t even begin to try to keep them in anymore. “Everything’s wrong! I was fine! I was doing okay, I was surviving, and then! You all had to do this!”

Adam tilted his head, watching and waiting, a wrinkle between his brows as he tried to parse what was happening. Wen glanced between Adam and Jess.

Brian tried to reach for Jess’s hand, but they pulled away before their hands brushed, not far, but abruptly and with so much emphasis that Brian didn’t try again.

“What did we do?” Adam asked.

“You brought me here!” Jess snapped. “I wish I’d never come here, I wish I hadn’t let you talk me into it! It’s going to ruin everything!”

Crowley looked like they’d been slapped. 

“Why, Jess?” Brian asked, patient as ever. 

“Because I can’t… I can’t even think about what it’s going to be like… I don’t want to go home.” They tried to breathe, but they felt like they were drowning. “I feel like if I get in that car, it’ll kill me.”

“Oh,” Aziraphale breathed. “Oh, my dear.”

“Jess, breathe,” Crowley said, moving to catch Jess’s gaze and hold it. “You’re safe. You don’t have to leave. Not ever, if you don’t want to.”

“Not true,” Jess said.

Crowley’s voice was soft as they said, “I wouldn’t lie, not about that.”

Brian reached again, and they let him. He squeezed their hand, comfortable and solid and  _ there, _ and Jess felt a little less like they were going to fly apart at the slightest provocation.

Aziraphale tugged on Crowley’s elbow, pulling them slightly to the side, but the room was too small for a truly private conversation. “Crowley. You know I agree, in theory. But Jess can’t stay in our lounge all summer. There isn’t space for a proper bed.”

Crowley wrinkled their nose. “We can find somewhere else. There's room in the attic.” They waved their hand like a magician directing unseen forces.

Jess wasn’t meant to be able to hear, but as far as they could tell, Aziraphale said something like, “Whose clothes did you just unceremoniously decide to move aside? And where have they gone?”

“I’ll put some of yours back in the closets in the flat above the bookshop,” Crowley might have replied. “And some of mine.” They looked at Aziraphale with a plea in their strange, large yellow eyes.

“Fair enough.” Aziraphale nodded like it was settled. He turned to Jess. “You can stay as long as you need to.”

Jess slowly processed the half-heard words, and as the meaning dawned, gaped at the two of them. “You’re… you’re making room for me?”

“Yes, Jess,” Zira told her. “Your well-being is important to us, not only because it’s important to Adam and his friends, but because we’ve gotten to know you over the past few days, and you are kind and unique and worth knowing. You deserve to be in a place where you feel safe.”

Jess was afraid they might be squeezing Brian’s hands too tightly, but his face didn’t show any sign of it. He just looked at them calmly and said, “They’re right. It’s okay if you need this.”

“But I can’t just leave,” Jess said, not quite believing anything that was happening around them. It all felt like a dream. Not necessarily the daydream kind, more of the ‘familiar things all twisted together in strange ways with nonsensical elements’ kind. Crowley’s eyes. The complex game they didn’t understand. The starry voids painted on Jess’s fingertips. This wasn’t how real life worked. Real life was survival, people doing their best to seem normal so that they could escape notice and work their way through life. It just was. “My parents, they… I don’t want to, but it’s the only way… they pay for everything! I can’t just…”

“We’ll work it out,” Adam said. “We’ll make it happen. We’ll find a way.”

There was something… in Adam’s voice, like an echo, but something that shook the foundations of reality. Something that made the world feel as mutable as a dream.

“No need for that, my dear boy,” Aziraphale said to him rather urgently. “No need to get in a tizzy. We  _ have _ resources that we can draw on. If it’s money that’s the issue…”

“I don’t want to owe you,” Jess said doubtfully. They felt free here now, but would they still, in a week? A month? When Jess learned what these two would expect them to act like in their house? Aziraphale and Crowley said they didn’t want Jess to hide. But their parents said similar things. Living with parents was different. “I don’t want to feel stuck.”

“Ah,” said Crowley. 

“I think we can wriggle our way around that,” Aziraphale said confidently. “I own a bookshop, in Soho. Young Newt runs it for me, and he seems to have picked up the trick of steering people towards the more modern books. It actually does turn a profit, now, and he may be able to use an extra pair of hands there from time to time. He commutes from East Oxfordshire, and so the flat above the shop is not in use.”

“You still call him ‘young Newt?’” Pepper asked. “He’s thirty-eight and has two kids.”

Jess burst into tears.

“Oh, Jess,” Brian said, wrapping them up in his arms. There was no place else Jess had felt this safe, as in the circle of Brian’s arms, in a house which was home to two kind and loving people as queer as them, in every sense.

And they were going to let Jess  _ stay _ . They were going to help them with school. Offer them a place to stay in the city that wasn’t their parents’ house. 

Jess had seen what happened to other young people who struck out on their own these days. Their sob stories and fundraisers were all over social media. Jess had been so afraid of that. They didn’t think they could manage all that. They’d never wanted to have to find out.

They’d been determined not to break like this, but they had, and in front of all these people. Friends. Friends who would do all this for Jess, to help them through whatever happened.

It was too much. Jess hadn’t meant to throw everything into chaos without warning, just making a mess of the last day of what had been a really great weekend. And them all standing around, saying their goodbyes, just ready to leave. It was too much.

They couldn’t speak, so they just let themself be held. 

Pepper made a decisive noise. “All right,” she said. “I’m going to your parents’ place to get some essentials. Usual rules apply until you say so. Crowley, you’re coming too.”

“Oh, am I?” Crowley asked.

“Yeah. I plan on letting out some pent-up wrath and figured you might appreciate being there. In exchange for the use of your car, and  _ maybe _ some other help if things go sideways.”

Crowley chuckled. “I’m sure you can handle it. But I’ll appreciate being there, you’re right about that.” They pulled out their sunglasses and swaggered out the door after Pepper. 

Adam, Wen and Dog made their way out to the garden, one of them muttering something about letting Dog get one last good sniff of the place before they left. Then it was just Jess and Brian, and the soft clattering and softer footsteps of Aziraphale in the kitchen, making something hot to drink. 

“I didn’t know how bad it was,” Brian said. “You always brush it off, say it’s fine. But you’re the bravest of all of us, you know that?” He kissed the tears off their cheeks, brushing damp wisps of hair aside. 

“‘Mnot,” Jess mumbled. “Should tell them.”

“You know them best,” Brian reminded Jess. “I believe you when you say it’d make things worse for you. But if things are this bad to start with, might not be worth staying either way.”

“Didn’t know how much I hated it until I saw how things  _ could _ be,” Jess said wetly. “I know all your parents are okay with us being queer and everything, but they’re still not quite like us. They love all of you, and they know, but they don’t quite understand  _ why _ . So it’s not so bad if my parents love me but don’t understand, right? Except.” They sniffed. “Crowley  _ understands _ . And Aziraphale  _ loves _ them, through and through.”

“Yeah,” Brian agreed, scrunching Jess’s hair in his fingers. Then he lifted one hand to tip Jess’s chin up slightly. “Hey,” he said. “We might not have had as long as Crowley and Zira have to get to know each other, but I do love you, okay?”

Jess made a sound, and it was somehow at once devastated and joyful, and they hid their face in Brian’s neck again before replying, “Yeah. Love you too.”

“Oh, good,” Brian murmured in relief, almost to himself. Jess squeezed him. They loved him a lot, actually, and depended on him so much, and they were very glad that Brian needed them, too. 

They stood entangled like that for another minute before Aziraphale came in, clearing his throat, and offered them hot chocolate. They separated enough to make their way to the sofa, and Zira sat on a nearby chair, breathing in the vapors from his own cup before tasting it with a happy hum and a satisfied wiggle.

“So,” he said conversationally. “What kind of trouble do you suppose Pepper is getting my spouse involved in now?”

Jess laughed.

Pepper was a wonderful, pitch-perfect fake girlfriend. Jess could picture how she'd be managing, retrieving their stuff.

Nothing would be outright. She'd smile with that slightly holier-than-thou smile and say that they'd decided to extend their long weekend and that Pepper had volunteered to go into the city and pick up some things they'd wanted. 

She'd use "Jess" like a pronoun, whenever she couldn't contrive to sound like she was speaking about the entirety of the Them, and somehow make it all sound perfectly natural without misgendering Jess or outing them to their parents. 

But oh, there would be wrath.

Pepper, as Jess's supposed girlfriend, knew their parents better than any of the others. She'd seemed least surprised at Jess's outburst, and most prepared to do something about it. She'd been ingratiating herself as an intelligent young woman while still gently nudging at the edges of their stances on political issues, smartly focusing on racism. 

She wouldn't outright yell, the way Jess was always half tempted to do. But her remarks would bite. 

Most people who knew Pepper on a casual basis would be surprised to know that her bite was worse than her bark. But it was, very much. 

And somehow, through some miracle, she'd become fiercely loyal to Jess, and not just for Brian's sake. 

Jess loved her. Just not like a girlfriend.

They almost wished they were there to see. More than that, though, they never wanted to go back.

Pepper returned grinning, triumphant, with every single piece of electronics Jess owned, their secret stash of very most favorite clothes, and all their school and art supplies. 

"How'd it go?" Wensleydale asked as Pepper showed off her spoils. Jess was glad, as the question stuck in their throat, when they tried to ask it. 

“Well enough,” Pepper answered. “I didn’t break anything, physical  _ or _ metaphorical, even though I  _ really _ wanted to. They asked when you’d be back, and I said I didn’t know, but that we’d call by the end of the week. I figured that’s a reasonable place to leave things for the moment.”

“Quite reasonable,” Aziraphale agreed. “So where did wrath enter into this, exactly?”

“Oh, she was  _ brilliant,” _ Crowley enthused with a crooked grin. “Perfectly polite and somehow also perfectly vicious. I love that about English culture.”

Pepper began an exaggerated imitation of herself talking to Jess’s parents. “Jess needs some more time out of the city, school’s been really rough, you know? I knew you’d understand. Some parents can be controlling and awful, but you’ve definitely got more sense than that. Who’s this? Oh, Crowley gave me a ride. I’ve mentioned Adam’s godparents, right? It’s their house we’re staying at. Crowley’s husband did my nails, aren’t they adorable? Well, we’ll just be in and out, got to get back to the others! We’re just having so much  _ fun. _ We didn’t want it to end.”

Jess giggled, picturing it, their parents’ shocked, scandalized reactions to Crowley, with their long, vivid red hair and nails and dangly earrings and wiry masculine figure. Their habit of wearing sunglasses indoors and the knowledge that they had a husband. The way her parents’ mouths would open and close as they tried to decide how rude it would really be to ask Crowley what was up with their gender.

But also, Jess couldn’t help asking, “Did they seem worried?” They weren’t sure what they wanted the answer to be. 

Pepper pressed her lips together for a moment before answering. “Yeah, a bit.  _ Real _ worried, not just 'how will this look' worried.”

Jess was torn. It was a little bit good to hear, but they also kind of wanted to be able to leave their parents behind and not have to think too hard about it.

They knew what their parents thought about people like them. They  _ knew_. But they also knew that if they didn't ask their parents to change their minds, they never would.

"What are you thinking about?" Brian asked.

"I wish this was simple," Jess replied. 

“I know, darling,” said Crowley, and it was in perhaps the softest tone they’d ever heard Crowley use. “The big things in life never are. When the people who gave you life just decide, for whatever reason, that what you are is  _ wrong... _ You’re going to feel rotten about it no matter what, believe me, there is no perfect way to deal with this kind of shit.”

“It’s not your fault,” Aziraphale added, reaching out to take Crowley’s hand. “You shouldn't have to ask, to be loved. To be loved for who you are.”

Jess blinked at the two of them. They seemed to know what was going through Jess’s head without Jess having to say any of it. And that was one of so many little reasons why they didn’t feel horribly alone right now. Aziraphale and Crowley really did understand.

“Still,” Jess said. “I feel like a coward for not being there.”

Aziraphale took a breath, and it was the first time Jess could see that maybe he wasn’t totally above everything, that maybe he felt all this on a personal level, rather than just from knowing and loving and supporting Crowley. “It's perfectly all right if you need some time to get your feet under you before you confront all the nasty things you've been taught and the people who taught them to you,” he said, as if he were reminding himself as well. “Sometimes it can take… oh, decades.”

“‘Sright,” Crowley said, and kissed him on the cheek. 

* * *

The Them stayed for another couple of days, helping Jess get settled and decide how they were going to handle this.

Eventually, they opted to write their parents a letter, explaining that they wouldn’t be coming back, and why.

The truth.

No school assignment had ever been this hard to write. 

It was a relief, though, once it was written and sent. Nerve-wracking, but still a relief. Mostly because of how it made Jess feel about themself that they’d done it, and also because they didn’t care as much as they’d worried they would about getting a reply.

Jess still cared a lot. Just not enough to make them wish they hadn’t done it. Not enough to make them worry the hours away thinking about it, instead of having fun and enjoying their summer as a free agent, trying out as many makeup looks as they liked, borrowing Crowley’s clothes, just being Jess Wainwright, human being, instead of squeezing themself into the mold of Jesse Wainwright, dutiful son.

Aziraphale and Crowley got more and more comfortable around Jess over the course of the summer, just as Jess got more comfortable around them.

Jess didn’t even blink, the first time they saw that Aziraphale really did have wings like the ones Crowley had given him in their paintings.

They’d seen too many odd little things now, and they absolutely knew the two of them weren't human. They still weren’t sure about the Them. 

It wasn’t Jess’s business. What was important was that all of these people, whatever they were, whatever they could do, would do all of it for Jess, if they asked. 

And that was the most incredible part, really. 

That was the part that made it okay that Jess now lived with two people who were something like parents.


End file.
